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Old 05-01-2012, 10:11 PM   #101
1931 flamingo
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Default Re: joke of the day.

sonny: If I recall, the reason the original thread disappeared was because of "inappropiate" postings.
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:27 PM   #102
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Such as. and inappropiate to who?
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:46 PM   #103
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Default Re: joke of the day.

I like a good laugh, and I like to make other people laugh.
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:56 PM   #104
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Default Re: joke of the day.

In real estate the best criteria for deciding what should be disclosed in the sale of a house is "if you wonder if you should disclose it, you probably should". A slight twist on that might be "if you wonder whether or not you should post it, you probably shouldn't". This is one of my favorite threads and I would like to see it remain.

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Old 05-02-2012, 05:50 AM   #105
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sonny View Post
Such as. and inappropiate to who?
Since you asked, If they wouldn't publish it in Reader's Digest or show it on network Prime Time television don't post it. That way you know you'll be safe.

And no, I'm not looking to stretch this into a long debate about previously published off-color jokes or who gets to decide what is and isn't appropriate. Let's not push the envelope to see what we can get away with. We lost this once lets be mature about it and sometimes we need to censor ourselves a bit for the common good. We don't need to see every joke that's out there on the internet, there are other sites for that and there is also the free market that will allow someone to start their own site and run it however they want.

This site isn't just for old men, there might be someone's kids or grandkids who like to look at the old cars.
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Old 05-02-2012, 06:38 AM   #106
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Default Re: joke of the day.

A piano player auditioned for a job in a piano bar. The patrons liked his music and the owner did too. He asked the player:

"As much as my patrons and I like your music, I don't recognize a lot of it."

"Well those are my songs, I wrote them." , he says proudly.

"Really? What do you call that last one?"

"I call that 'The Oral Sex Overture'"

The owner was taken aback and says, "Whoa, what was the one before that?"

"I called that one 'Vaginal Valentine' and the other one was..." now stopped by the owner.

"Ok, if you keep the titles to yourself you can have the job. Deal?"

"Deal." and the player had a gig.

After his 1st set's intermission one of the patrons stopped the piano player as he was leaving the restroom saying, "Hey buddy, you know fly is open and your dick is hangin out?"

"Know it!? I WROTE IT!"
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Old 05-02-2012, 11:21 AM   #107
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Default Re: joke of the day.

A
woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of cocoa in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at
the wall. She
watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his hot
cocoa.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into
the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The
husband looks up from his cocoa, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we
met." She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear
up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we
started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16," he says
solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that
her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she
replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming
easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat
of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into
a chair beside him.

The husband continued, "Do you remember when he
shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I
will send you to prison for 20 years?'"

"I remember that, too," she
replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I
would have gotten out today."
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:29 PM   #108
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Say this Real fast

How much shit could a Dipshit Dip
if a Dipshit could Dip Shit
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:56 PM   #109
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Todays kids probably know more off colored jokes & stuff than most of us old farts & fartettes.
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Old 05-03-2012, 10:19 AM   #110
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Default Re: joke of the day.

An elderly couple were spending their 50th anniversary in the same place as their honeymoon. Back in their room after a pleasant day, thw woman comes out of the bathroom in sheer lingerie and asks her husband "what were you thinking in this room 50 yrs ago?!" He replies " I was thinking that I wanted to suck your breasts dry and screw you stupid!" Flattered, the woman responds "well, what are you thinking now?" He looks her over and says " I'm thinking I did a pretty good job!"
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Old 05-03-2012, 06:27 PM   #111
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Default Re: joke of the day.

OH HELL!! ... Let's Offend Everybody!

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?



A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.


Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?


A. A different bar.


Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?


A. Sum Ting Wong .


Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?


A. A speech impediment.


Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek ?


A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.


Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on


Mondays , Wednesdays and Fridays?


A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?


A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.


Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?


A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'


Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???


A. A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'


A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'


Q.. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?


A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States












.
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Old 05-03-2012, 07:55 PM   #112
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Default Re: joke of the day.

A blonde is driving her vintage sports car in the country and sees another blonde in a row boat, in a meadow, rowing like crazy going nowhere. Upset, she stops and gets out yelling, "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name, and if I could swim I come out there and kick your ass!"


Later her car breaks down and she calls for road service. The repairman shows up to take a look, and before long it's running again. "Wow that was quick! What did you do?" "Aw it was nutthin really, just crap in carburator." She replies, "Well how often should I do that?"

Last edited by theHIGHLANDER; 05-04-2012 at 06:54 AM.
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Old 05-03-2012, 08:25 PM   #113
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Anybody happen to notice how many views and replies this site gets?
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Old 05-04-2012, 02:21 AM   #114
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sonny View Post
Anybody happen to notice how many views and replies this site gets?

Right on sonny ! ......roll on with the jokes lads, the dynamos starting to hum again! ( you all remember Frank Zappa).

GB
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Old 05-04-2012, 06:44 PM   #115
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Default Re: joke of the day.

http://mail.aol.com/36032-111/aol-6/...5s_Got_You.wmv
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Old 05-04-2012, 07:39 PM   #116
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Default Re: joke of the day.

I got a good laugh out of this one:

1 pair of front fender off 40 ford that was in an accident. Both punch in at the head lights. They were very nice and I think they are worth repairing $150 for the pair. Local pickup only
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:47 PM   #117
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Default Re: joke of the day.

http://mail.aol.com/36032-111/aol-6/...Parachute.mpeg
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:53 PM   #118
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Default Re: joke of the day.

http://mail.aol.com/36032-111/aol-6/...t_drinking.wmv
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Old 05-05-2012, 04:31 PM   #119
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Default Re: joke of the day.

Sonny, those links only work if you have an AOL account. I didn't know anyone still used AOL!
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Old 05-05-2012, 06:42 PM   #120
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Default Re: joke of the day.

if you are easily offended, don't read this joke


Subject: Pervert phone call
The phone rings, and my wife answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,
"I bet you have a tight asshole with no hair?"
She replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"
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